Thoughts From a Wannabe Momma

I've been thinking about writing this blog for awhile and I'm glad I have the time to do it now. This has been on my heart and mind for quite some time and I hope it all comes out right. :)

For past few months or so, Josh and I have been going through fertility testing. After 4 years of trying to get pregnant unsuccessfully, we decided to pursue further testing. As it turns out, I need to have surgery to remove some things that are in all likelihood preventing us from getting pregnant. Through blood tests and other tests we also found out that both of us have somewhat minor issues that could be preventing pregnancy.

With that in mind, I hope you can understand a little more about why I wanted to write what I am writing.

I can't tell you how many times I read Facebook status updates that almost make motherhood sound like a curse instead of a blessing. I read about parents who think it's crazy or even stupid for a couple to want two or more children. I read about parents offering to give their child away for awhile until they start behaving better. I read about pregnant women who can't wait to get their baby out of their belly. Women who complain about experiencing morning sickness and can't wait until the pregnancy is over. I could go on and on.

Please understand that I totally get the fact that parenthood is not easy and some days you just want a quiet day and sometimes you just need a break. And I agree 100%. And I know that every parent who has posted statuses like the above love their kids and would do anything for them. I just don't think they know how their words can hurt women like me.

I would love to be able to say that my child is cranky because it would mean I would have a child. I would be okay with sleepless nights if that meant I could cradle my newborn baby. I would throw up a thousand times a day from morning sickness with joy in my heart because I knew I was pregnant. I would smile as I watch the scale slowly rise as it would mean I had a life growing inside me.

Some of you may be thinking "That's all well and good but just wait until it happens and you will understand what I'm saying." Please believe me, I do understand. I know that any child I have will not be perfect and there will be days when I am trying to figure out how to get some time to myself and I will miss sleeping through the night and I will grow tired of vomiting. But after learning the fact that without a miracle, the chances of us getting pregnant on our own are extremely slim, I view pregnancy and motherhood a little differently. I am learning how much of a blessing it really is and how it is a privilege. Getting pregnant at all is not a guarantee for us, no matter how we go about it. As a woman, to be told that I might never have the experience of feeling life grow inside of me is extremely difficult to take in. As a Christian I absolutely believe in the sovereignty of God and I believe He works miracles everyday and I believe He could touch my body right now and heal me of everything. God also made me a woman. And as a woman, carrying a child is one of the most natural things we ever get to do on this earth. And it is something I have dreamed about all of my life. I have to face reality that I may never be able to carry a child. I may never be able to experience that positive pregnancy test. I may never get to experience feeling those kicks and stretches in the middle of the night. I may never get to hold my newborn baby in my arms.

Please, for the sake of the millions of women in my shoes, think twice before you post something negative about your children or pregnancy. Know that we would do anything in our power to experience what you are experiencing-good and the bad, because at the end of the day I would have my dream job-being Mom.

I know that there are other ways of becoming Mom. We still plan to pursue adoption whether we get pregnant or not. And when that day comes that we do get to adopt a little one into our family, it will be one of the happiest days of our lives. And when those tough days come, and I know they will, I will remember what a blessing and privilege it is to be chosen by God to mother this child.

For anyone reading this that is facing an unplanned or unwanted pregnancy, please carefully consider adoption as an option. I am only one of millions of women who would be ecstatic if we were chosen as adoptive parents. Your child is a blessing and a gift.

So, those are my thoughts. I hope I didn't offend anyone. And I'm not one of those extreme people who think you can't express any opinion on social media. All I'm asking is that you choose your words wisely and be thankful for what you have.